Okay, so I am feeling much better now (when it comes to mono and throat pain) and it is nice to be able to swallow again! Came to a conclusion today...I have spent a lot of my life just thinking about other people...what other people think about me, why is this person doing this, why doesnt this person like me etc etc...which has caused me to feel very crappy about myself in many different scenarios...I have always been told that thinking about yourself is obviously being selfish...which is true to a certain extent but when you get so pushed to the side that everything about you starts changing because thats what other people want...then something is wrong! Just as I obsess over what other people want and need I feel like the same courtisy should be given to me. I feel like I have lost myself and realized that literally my lfe is defined by other people...that is sad...Not by Jesus, not by love but by other people's opinions and their uncanny control over my thoughts and actions!
Well, its always good when you find the culprit of something cause its ending today, Im not gonna become this selfish person saying "this is what I want" all the time cause my love for people will never go away, but its time to stop caring if a friend doesnt contact me as much, or if someone cuts me off cause they just dont like me so much or if someone gets upset because I am not doing things quite to their standard...people dont understand the stress and pressure they put on me sometimes but its proly because they are smart enough to think about themselves a little too! I am praying to God to release this annoying self concious, let everyone step on me all the time Jonathan...I am putting my fricking foot down...NOW! I will always be helpful but its time to stop taking it to extremes people, because honestly I dont need friends...really...and I dont need anyone really...I need Jesus and my wife and my family! And even the closest to me cause problems for me sometimes...but that is just natural!
So in conclusion to this obviously "ranting" letter...If you dont want me and you dont like me...WHO CARES! I WILL LIVE...HONESTLY!
Have a blessed day!
Oh and P.S. Listen to Imogen Heap's new album "Ellipse"...Its amazing!!